Healing from Within: How to Talk Back to Your Eating Disorder Self

If you have an eating disorder, it means that a part of you has begun to take on a life of its own and start to act automatically. Even though this part of you, which we refer to as your "Eating Disorder Self", is trying to protect you and be there for you, it operates from a disordered, destructive place. The longer you have an eating disorder, the stronger your Eating Disorder Self becomes, making it easier for it to take control and drown out your "Healthy Self". Your Healthy Self is the part of you that knows how to deal with whatever life throws at you in a healthy way.

The goal of recovery is to strengthen your Healthy Self so it can stand up to your Eating Disorder Self. Eventually, once your Healthy Self has grown strong enough, it can take over the role that your Eating Disorder Self is currently playing.

A turning point in my recovery came when I realized I wasn't making progress because I was waging a war on myself. I finally understood that my Eating Disorder Self is not an outside entity; it's a part of me that I can't simply annihilate. And I don't need to do that. I need to heal and integrate this part back into myself. I also found that being hostile and mean toward my Eating Disorder Self was not a good strategy. Showing kindness and compassion toward the part of you that is broken and hurting is a better approach than being mean to it.

I know it can feel like your eating disorder is more powerful, or it is some kind of outside entity, but that's because your Eating Disorder Self has been in control for so long, and currently, it speaks louder than your Healthy Self. However, your eating disorder can't be more powerful than you are. It is a part of you, and it gets its power from you. That means you can decide whether you want to strengthen your Healthy Self or your Eating Disorder Self.

To strengthen your Healthy Self, you need to practice talking back to your eating disorder thoughts. By challenging these thoughts, you not only gain more awareness of them but also get better at counteracting them and responding from a healthy place. There will be times when you can't counteract your eating disorder thoughts and you'll feel frustrated, but that is a natural part of the process.

To begin this exercise, get your journal and write down a few of your recent eating disorder thoughts. Then, try writing back to each of these thoughts from your Healthy Self. Come up with statements that feel authentic to you—statements that you believe in. If you find yourself stuck or unable to respond, ask yourself how you would respond if a friend, sister, or someone else in recovery expressed the same thoughts to you. Often, it is easier to come up with something you would say to someone else than to stand up to your Eating Disorder Self.

If you keep practicing, you will eventually find it easier to respond from your Healthy Self. At first, you might be able to say just a sentence or two, but the goal is to engage in a lengthy back-and-forth between your Healthy Self and Eating Disorder Self. With practice, the dialogue between your two selves will flow more naturally. Remember, if you feel stuck, think about what you would say to someone else you cared about if they expressed the same things your Eating Disorder Self is saying to you. Make sure that your dialogue ends with your Healthy Self having the last word.

A natural progression of this exercise is to read the dialogue out loud or role-play with a safe person. First, say your eating disorder thoughts out loud and let the other person be the Healthy Self that counteracts them. It is crucial to switch roles and place yourself in the role of your Healthy Self, talking back to your Eating Disorder Self and counteracting it.

Usually, it is easy to write things down from your Eating Disorder Self, but it is more difficult to get your Healthy Self to participate in this dialogue. You might not know what to say or fully believe in what you come up with. To overcome this hurdle, you can work with a safe person, such as a coach, therapist, or someone recovered, to go over your journaling.

Writing may seem pointless, but writing out full dialogues on paper will help you gather your thoughts and come up with counterarguments and healthy responses to your eating disorder. The idea is to prepare your Healthy Self with a variety of responses so it will know what to say in situations where you need to resist your Eating Disorder Self. Additionally, this dialogue exercise will raise your awareness of how your eating disorder influences your thoughts, behaviors, and life.

Letting a therapist, coach, or someone who is recovered provide feedback on your Healthy Self statements will help you determine if your statements are truly coming from a healthy place. At first, when your Healthy Self needs a lot of strengthening, it is normal to come up with healthy-sounding statements that are not based on your long-term recovery goals but on the need to please others or influence their perception of you. Remember that your Healthy Self has been repressed for a long time; it is only natural to find it hard to tap into its wisdom. Over time, as your Healthy Self gets stronger, you will find it easier to identify what is truly coming from your Healthy Self and what is coming from a more superficial place.

Further Reading: 8 Keys to Recovery from an Eating Disorder by Carolyn Costin and Gwen Schubert Grabb

Disclaimer: The content I provide is intended for broad educational purposes only and should not be taken as specific medical or psychological advice regarding eating disorders. It is not a recommendation or substitute for professional treatment. Always seek the advice of your physician, therapist, or other qualified health care provider with any questions you may have regarding an eating disorder or any other mental health issue.