Can You Feel Nostalgia for Your Eating Disorder?

Spoiler alert: the answer is yes. And it is normal.

Feeling nostalgia for your eating disorder or romanticising the time in your life when your symptoms were most severe can be a confusing part of recovery. How can you possibly miss something that you know can kill you? But it’s actually a very normal part of recovery. Here’s why.

1. Recovery Isn’t Linear

It’s normal to feel ambivalent about recovery to begin with. Changing the status quo is hard, so it is normal for your motivation to wax and wane, and setbacks are part of the process. When you hit roadblocks, feel unsupported, or get burned out, you may start second-guessing recovery and fantasising about the “good old days.”

2. Rose-Tinted Glasses

But were those days really that good? Eating disorders, like abusive relationships, distort your memories. You may forget how miserable you were and instead remember the false sense of safety and control they gave you. Just like an abusive partner, your ED isolates you, undermines your sense of worth, and convinces you that without it, you are nothing.

3. Identity Crisis

When you’ve lived by your ED rules for a long time, leaving them behind can feel terrifying. It can make you feel lost. Your eating disorder dictated your routines and your identity, and in return, it gave you a false sense of safety. Recovery forces you to confront the messy parts of life you tried to avoid, while also giving you the opportunity to figure out who you are—which can be frightening. No wonder you long for the “simplicity” of your ED cocoon!

4. Dealing with Difficult Feelings

A lot of ED sufferers use behaviors to numb emotions that feel overwhelming. Recovery means reconnecting to those feelings, and honestly—it sucks at first. It’s messy, uncomfortable, and often painful. However, it does get better once you relearn how to regulate emotions in a healthier way. And that takes work—work you didn’t have to do while you were dedicating yourself to your eating disorder.

5. Body Changes and Comments

Recovery changes your body, regardless of how badly you want to avoid that. (Luckily, you can change your relationship with your body so those changes won’t be so scary, or won’t feel like the end of the world.) Weight gain, bloating, discomfort—and then there are the comments: “You look so healthy now!” or “You’re not as skinny as you used to be.” Even if they’re well-meaning, the ED voice twists them into ammunition against you. No wonder nostalgia creeps in.

6. Missing Validation

Let’s be real: even a sick body can bring compliments. Lots of them. As fucked up as it is, if you are dealing with a restrictive eating disorder, people have probably praised you for your thinness, which made your ED feel “right.” Gaining weight means that external validation goes out the window, which can trigger longing for your “old” body, even when you know it was dangerous to stay at such a low weight.

7. The Illusion of Control

Eating disorders give you a false sense of control. It feels like you’re managing life or have it figured out, but in truth, your ED is controlling you. No number of restrictive behaviors will solve your problems, and what started out as unhealthy coping mechanisms will quickly turn into even unhealthier avoidance.

Feeling nostalgic for your ED doesn’t mean you’re failing at recovery. It doesn’t mean relapse. It just means you’re human. Think of it as a signal that some work still needs to be done.

Missing your eating disorder usually means your brain is reaching for something familiar. But just because something is familiar, doesn’t always mean it`s safe or sustainable. Think of it like going back to an abusive relationship—it feels known, but it’s still harmful and has the potential to destroy you.

In recovery, you’re building a new and healthier set of tools to take care of yourself. That takes time and repetition before these tools gradually start to feel natural—before they become the new familiar.

And here’s a question worth asking yourself: if a friend in the same situation came to you for advice, would you ever recommend your eating disorder to them? Why not?

If nostalgia hits, you can try two things:

• Reassess your support system—are you getting the right kind of help right now?

• Try the “My Worst ED Day” writing exercise from 8 Keys to Recovery by Carolyn Costin. Write out the details of one of your worst days—behaviors, emotions, consequences—and read it back to yourself. It can be a powerful reminder of how bad things can get and help you fight that nostalgia. Here are the same thoughts in video format: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2SsPEkKqhz4